April 24, 2023 - It has been said that marriage was God’s most important ordained institution. Since the time of Adam and Eve when the two were joined together by God Himself in the Garden of Eden, marriage has been cussed and discussed, praised and pitied. Someone has said that the act of marriage dissolves a close friendship. Much has been pontificated on the subject of marriage and we will take a look at what people have said over the years.
One person wrote, “A man is incomplete until he’s married…then he’s finished.” Another said that marriage is when a man gets hooked on his own line. Still another opined that marriage is like a bath tub…once you are in it for a while it’s not so hot.
There are two things that cause unhappy marriages…men and women. One sage wrote, “Marriage is an institution. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.” Another suggested that this country will never adopt polygamy. The divorce courts couldn’t stand the strain.<
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Two women were discussing their mates. One asked the other, “Why did you get rid of your water bed?” The response, “Bill and I were drifting apart.”
A man came home from work weary, but his eyes lighted up as he stepped inside his house and saw a beautiful layer cake with seven candles on it sitting on the dining room table. “A birthday cake”, he exclaimed with pleasure. “Whose birthday is it?” Replied his wife, “Oh, that’s for the dress I’ve got on. It’s seven years old today.”
I have read that marriage teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, and a lot of other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.
The angry wife called on her attorney and announced that she wanted to sue her husband for divorce. “On what grounds?” asked the attorney. “Bigamy. I’ll show him that he can’t have his Kate and Edith, too!”
After several months of married life, the glamour wore off and the young couple went to see a marriage counselor. After talking with the couple for a while, the counselor suddenly swept the woman into his arms and kissed her passionately. “Now”, said the marriage counselor, “This is the treatment your wife needs…Monday, Thursday, and Saturday, at the very least.” Replied the husband, “Okay, I can bring her in here on Thursday and Saturday nights, but Monday is my bowling night.”
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The phone rang in the maternity ward, and an excited voice on the other end said, “This is George Smith and I’m bringing my wife in. She’s about to have a baby.” “Calm down,” replied the nurse. “Tell me, is this her first baby?” Replied the caller, “No, this is her husband.”
A lady was complaining to her husband about the ill manners of a friend who had just left. “If that woman yawned once while I was talking, she yawned ten times.” “Maybe she wasn’t yawning, dear,” replied the husband. “Perhaps she was trying to say something.”
Buck was explaining to Ken that he would be a bachelor for the next two weeks. “How is that?” asked Ken. “Well,” Buck replied, “my wife is going home to spend two weeks with her mother. She does this once a year. It’s sort of a refresher course in nagging.”
A man was driving his car with his wife in the back seat. The car stalled on the railroad tracks as the train was approaching. His wife screamed, “Go on! Go on!” The husband replied, “You’ve been driving all day from the back seat. I’ve got my end across the tracks now see what you can do with your end.”
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Finally, herein lies the difference between the sexes: When a couple is supposed to go somewhere, the woman’s first thought is “What shall I wear?” and the man is: “How can I get out of this?” Marriage lasts even into the after life. An epitaph seen on a grave stone in a country cemetery: Here Lies My Darling Husband Walter: May He Rest In Peace…Until We Meet Again.
